Pod kůžíUnder the Skin

XIV.

Our lips parted so slowly that I was not even sure when that first kiss had actually ended. We stayed close, facing each other, and for several impossibly long seconds we simply looked into one another’s eyes. Neither of us spoke, as if any word might shatter the fragile thing that had just taken shape between us.

Adam did not move.

He did not step closer.

He did not reach for me.

He just waited.

His gaze never left mine. There was no impatience in it. No expectation. Only a quiet question he never wanted to ask out loud.

I clenched my fingers in the fabric of his hoodie and pulled him back toward me.

This time, I did not stop.

Our lips met again, and suddenly I felt as though I would never want to let them go. I forgot to breathe. With my eyes closed, I savoured every small movement of his lips, because all at once I could not think about anything else, and I did not want the kiss to end. Ever.

Adam seemed afraid that one careless gesture might break the moment. It was only when I did not pull away after our second kiss that he slowly raised a hand. His fingers brushed my cheek.

Carefully.

Almost hesitantly.

As if he were still asking whether he could.

I closed my eyes.

And leaned ever so slightly into his palm.

I heard him draw a shaky breath.

“Eli...”

He whispered my name so softly that I felt it more than heard it.

“Are you sure?”

I opened my eyes.

I had never been sure of anything before.

Now I was.

I did not answer.

Instead, I did the only thing that came to mind.

I placed both hands on his chest.

His heart was beating fast beneath my palms.

I smiled.

“You’re shaking.”

He let out a short breath.

“So are you.”

I realised I was having trouble keeping my hands still.

We stood in the kitchen, holding each other, close enough to feel every breath. Shaking. My face was burning, and I knew I had gone red. Adam’s ears were the colour of overripe tomatoes. I lightly touched his left ear and looked into his eyes.

That was when he gave the faintest smile.

“I told you...”

He paused for a moment.

“...it was dangerous.”

His eyes held everything. Desire. Fear. Hope.

I stepped forward, making Adam take a small step back. Then another, and another. His expression changed. He did not know what to expect. I said nothing. I just looked at him and kissed him now and then. After a few steps, Adam could not hold back any longer. He gently took me by the waist, turned us both in one smooth movement, and suddenly I was the one moving backwards. But his kisses were not brief. He kissed me all the way there. We reached the bathroom.

For a moment he pulled away and looked into my eyes. He did not need to say anything. I recognised the question in his gaze at once. I simply placed my hand on his cheek again. Adam swallowed hard. He looked into my eyes once more, as if searching for the slightest sign of uncertainty. When he found none, he slowly raised his hands, touched the hem of my T-shirt with his fingertips, and carefully pulled it over my head. I felt my cheeks burn.

Adam let go of me for a moment, took a few steps toward the shower, and turned on the tap. The steady sound of falling water immediately joined the quiet of the apartment. He came back to me and found my lips again. First my mouth. Then he moved to my neck. A sigh escaped my throat. Adam stayed still, his forehead resting against my neck, and only lifted his eyes to look at me.

I looked him straight in the eyes. “This is dangerous.”

Adam smiled and picked up where he had left off a moment earlier.

I had to smile. “You’re such a menace.”

As he kissed my neck, his hands got tangled in the drawstring of my sweatpants. A moment later, he had won the battle, and my sweatpants were suddenly around my ankles.

His gaze slowly travelled lower.

He stopped for a moment.

“You have...”

He trailed off.

His fingertips brushed the tiny bumps of gooseflesh on my thigh.

He looked at me.

“Did I do that?”

I smiled and whispered to him, “I told you...”

Adam looked at me, puzzled.

I leaned toward his ear.

“...it was dangerous.”

He looked at me, fascinated, then stroked my thigh again. After that he straightened and began undressing, his gaze seeming to reach all the way into my heart. First his shirt, then his trousers. I watched without moving, aware in the background of the drops falling onto the shower floor. By then the warm water had filled the bathroom with steam; the shower doors and the mirror were completely fogged over. For a while we simply stood there, naked. Then Adam took my hand and slowly began backing toward the shower. He never took his eyes off me.

“Careful!” I blurted, but it was too late.

Adam bumped his back against the shower door and stayed leaning against it. I reached him and pressed myself against him. His eyebrows lifted. Instinctively, I held him around the waist with my left arm while I opened the door with my right.

Adam looked at me, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

I only shook my head.

I did not know what he was thanking me for.

Maybe for catching him.

Maybe for something else entirely.

The air in the bathroom was warm and heavy. The mirror had long since disappeared beneath a thin layer of steam, and the steady hiss of water drowned out the whole world beyond the door. Everything that had existed just a few minutes earlier—the rice that was not quite cooked, the chopped onion, the seminar paper open on the table, the apartment full of ordinary things—suddenly seemed impossibly far away.

Adam was still holding my hand.

Not tightly.

Just enough to know I was there.

He took the first step into the shower and, without a word, brought me with him.

The warm water fell first over his shoulders, then mine. For a few seconds, neither of us moved. We just stood facing each other, listening to the soft patter of the drops and smiling at one another in a way I would have thought impossible only a few weeks ago.

I reached out and brushed a damp lock of hair from his forehead.

He closed his eyes halfway.

“You’re still shaking,” I said with a smile.

“So are you.”

This time, we did not laugh.

We simply stayed a little closer.

Adam rested his forehead against mine and took a deep breath, as if he wanted to remember every part of that moment.

“Eli...”

This time my name did not sound like a question.

It sounded like something he needed to say.

I looked at him.

At every little detail I had never been able to notice before. The droplets caught in his beard. The damp strands of hair stuck to his forehead. His eyes looking at me so openly that my heart began pounding all over again.

I did not want to miss a single second.

I reached out and slowly traced my thumb across his cheek.

He smiled.

And I knew I never wanted to forget that smile.

I do not know how much time passed.

The water had stopped running long ago. The last drops slowly slid down the glass shower door, and the steam gradually faded from the mirror.

We sat side by side on the tiled floor, wrapped in large towels. Adam rested his head against the wall, his eyes closed. His wet hair was more tousled than usual, and a few tiny drops of water still clung to his beard.

For some reason, I could not take my eyes off him.

After a while, he opened them.

He caught me staring.

“What?”

I smiled.

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

I tilted my head.

“I’m just looking at you.”

He fell quiet for a moment.

Then he gave me that slightly awkward smile of his and lowered his eyes.

I reached out and twirled a wet lock of his hair between my fingers.

He let me.

Then, without thinking, he leaned his head against my shoulder.

The bathroom was quiet again.

The kind of quiet where no one feels the need to say anything.

Suddenly, Adam lifted his head.

His eyes went wide.

“The rice!”

I looked at him.

Then we both jumped to our feet at the same time.

We reached the kitchen almost together.

The air already smelled like lunch had met its end.

Adam quickly pulled the pot off the hob and carefully lifted the lid.

He was quiet for a moment.

Then he turned to me.

“I think... it’s dead.”

I could not help it.

I laughed so hard I had to lean against the counter.

At first, Adam tried to keep a straight face.

He managed about two seconds.

Then he was laughing with me.

Our laughter filled the apartment, mingling with the smell of burnt rice.

When we finally calmed down, I looked at the kitchen.

The onion was still on the cutting board.

The chicken was beside it.

Two mugs of tea sat on the counter.

A few hours earlier, it had been an entirely ordinary day.

I smiled.

“Shall we order pizza?”

Adam nodded.

“Yeah.”

He looked at me, the corners of his mouth slowly lifting.

“But I’m picking the movie.”

I laughed.

“All right.”

I thought for a moment.

“Beer?”

“Definitely.”